Heavy Cross
by kaloe-ren
Summary: It is always the girl. It destroyed his grandfather. If he is not careful, it will destroy him too. Post SW:TFA, Reylo, Rated M for violence, dub-con and graphic sexual situations. Previously titled 'Destroy Me'.
1. Destroy Me

_It is always the girl. It destroyed his grandfather. If he is not careful, it will destroy him too._

Kylo Ren's boots left echoing thuds in his wake as he advanced through the suddenly empty corridors of _The Finalizer_. Even those not force sensitive had enough primitive instinct to scurry and hide when they felt the whirlwind of violent energy that preceded him.

At first he had ignored the tentative vibrations on his skin as the itching and healing of the angry scar across his face and continued his battle with the training droids. It wasn't until those vibrations had coalesced into a tangible pressure, that he knew it was the girl.

And she was trying to heal him.

Distracted, he had taken a droid's stun to his left side, his still healing side and Kylo had chewed on his lower lip to keep from screaming at the agony. He used the pain and the metallic taste of copper to focus and lashed out.

A small force push exploded the offending droid, followed by a careless arc and neglect swipe of his lightsaber left the remaining trainer in a jumble of sparking parts lying on the floor.

Kylo straightened from his crouch and deactivated his lightsaber, clipping it to his belt.

The girl was tracing wounds. It was an ancient Jedi meditation ritual, mostly forgotten and already ancient even in his grandfather's time, this task of acknowledging the scars you had deliberately made.

He smiled behind his mask. This offering to the force could only mean she had found his uncle.

Curious, Kylo had relaxed his mental shields and was unprepared for the supernova of light that threatened to overwhelm him.

"No!"

He had staggered back, instinctively throwing his hand out to gather the force around him and he had used his surprise and anger to strengthen his shields and sever the threads between them.

The blinding light was easily pushed back by the dark, but he could still feel it, feel _her_ , echoing in, weaving through the very cells of his body.

His body had quickened in the light. His cock hardening so fast inside leather and armor that a small grunt of surprised pleasure escaped him.

Kylo shuddered. He needed to meditate. Ground himself in his darkness, embrace his true purpose here. He turned on his heel and left the training arena, striding purposely towards his rooms.

He frowned behind his mask. The caressing call of the light side of the force may be his weakness, but he had battled and won against the craving for so long that it should be easy to ignore the persistent threads of _her_ light weaving through the very cells of his body.

It should have been, but it wasn't. The girl wanted to dominate his thoughts. He worried at his bruised lip and focused on the pain until he could feel the ever present darkness starting to rise in him.

He wasn't halfway back to his rooms before he had felt her again, pushing at his shields.

Amused at her tenacity, Kylo had drawn more energy to him, shutting her out.

Now she was back.

A strong, sure fingertip ghosted across the raw wound on his lower lip and the minute pinpoint of light that burst into existence against his skin weakened his knees and the sparkling comet of light that trailed that small contact caused him to stumble.

 _How dare she?_

Rage colored everything. It didn't matter that she didn't realize she was connecting with him, didn't realize that she was physically touching him with a careless thought.

Kylo snarled behind his mask and flexed his leather gloved hand. His lightsaber flew, igniting as it reached his waiting hand.

 _How dare she tempt him from his path?_

Like him, the red bladed weapon pulsed, crackled with energy, hot, burning, primal and he slashed out at nothing, a feral grin forming at the sudden spike of fear from those cowering behind closed doors.

Kylo snarled again, his whole body thrumming with the power coursing through him. He roared his dominance, then dragged the tip of his lightsaber, crackling, snarling, hissing against the walls, the doors, whatever was in his way as he continued towards his quarters.

By the time he had reached his rooms, the ghosting finger had now turned into curious, exploring, light trailing fingers, that had quieted the pain in his shoulder and side, soothed and caressed and sparked and explored ever downward to finally stroke light along the length of his cock.

Kylo bit back a groan. She was responding to his pain. Everywhere he hurt, everywhere he _ached_ , she was touching.

He was panting by the time the door noiselessly shut behind him. Kylo reached up and tore off his mask, letting the metal and leather along with his lightsaber drop with a thud, forgotten on the floor.

He impatiently raked a hand through sweat damped dark hair and looked wildly around his room, his nostrils flaring wildly with each panting breath, each ghostly stroke on his cock and he slowly sank to his knees, shuddering.

The girl.

A bond had formed at her awakening, his questioning of her, the raw power of the force tangling, linking them together with a connection so strong that even death would not unravel.

Rey. _Rey._ Even her name provoked images of light and burned his mouth, but he whispered it anyway.

She answered, becoming more tangible in the blinding light. Kylo felt her lips brush his cheek; her strong fingers squeeze his cock. He moaned.

He had bared his face to her during his interrogation. He shouldn't have, but it had been so long since he had felt light so strong, so pure that he wanted, craved to feel that beaming energy that surrounded her against his bare skin.

He could have drowned in that light.

He was.

He could feel the wet heat of her tongue tracing the inside curve of his ear, feel the heat of her hand through leather and armor.

Kylo fell back, his weight supported by one hand as his hips lifted of their own accord, pressing his aching cock back against that squeezing hand of light.

He squeezed his eyes shut, holding onto the darkness, gasping at the colors exploding behind his eyelids as he came, releasing with great shuddering roar of pleasure that echoed around the room.

His trembling arm gave way and Kylo fell the rest of the way to the floor. He ignored the way his lightsaber dug into his side and he blinked into the darkness.

She was gone. Her doorway shut against him.

But he could still feel her.

Kylo rose from the floor, mask in one hand, and lightsaber in the other.

He had shocked, scared, _delighted_ her with the force feedback that he hadn't even thought to dampen.

Kylo smiled as gleaming metal and leather clicked into place covering his face.

The girl wouldn't destroy him.

He would fight this; fight _her_ , the only way he knew how.

With darkness.


	2. Goddamn Right You Should Be Scared of Me

The implicit violence in the cadence of Kylo Ren's boots echoing down the corridor of _The Finalizer_ was a familiar sound to those who worked and lived near the quarters that he had claimed.

They missed, by hiding, the contrary gracefulness of the edges of his heavy cloak, his dark robes, fluttering behind him with the force of his advance.

Kylo never broke his stride, even when he neared his rooms. A negligent twitch of his black leather clad fingers caused the doors to open before him and he continued his ground eating pace across the room until he reached the large view port that replaced an outside wall on the massive _Resurgent-class Star Destroyer_.

Before he had taken command of the ship, the room had been a social assembly area. A place where the senior officers on board could eat, drink and relax.

A grin that he inherited from his father threatened to pull at his mouth.

The senior officers hadn't been too relaxed when Kylo claimed the space. He had simply walked in and ignited his lightsaber.

"Go," he had growled.

The room had exploded in a flurry of energy, emptying in moments.

It had been nothing to order servant droids to remove the furniture, bring in a large round couch to serve as his bed, and to Force key the door to only admit him.

Lately he had become more and more drawn to the view port. He suspected this was because of the girl.

Kylo shook his head and narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

 _The girl._

The darkness inside him fed on his irritation. Threads of the Force, ebony black and raw red, threatened to color his view.

A small twitch of his fingers and the visual sensors embedded in the metal and leather of his mask adjusted and continued to show him a view that never changed.

Serene, luminous pinpoints of light cradled in velvet, eternal night, and his darkly gleaming reflection.

Before he had set him upon this twisted path, his former Master had warned him of the dark things he must do, the dark _thing_ he must become to be able to complete his task.

But… he had never once warned him about the girl.

The girl.

The girl who was all sparking and mesmerizing light.

 _Rey._

A small growl escaped him, warning, _possessive._

Kylo drew the dark around him and settled into it like a familiar cloak. He wondered if it was imagination or premonition that caused a rivulet of anticipation to run down his spine.

 _Soon._

He took a deep breath and clenched his hands into fists at his side.

 _He would not let the girl entice him from his path._

Like the roguish thing it was, the inherited grin that threatened earlier managed to sneak in behind the mask.

 _But he would teach her a lesson._

The earlier rivulets were growing, flowing faster and Kylo knew it was her curiosity that would tempt her into peaking through the doorway that he left unlocked for her.

He was ready, eager even, when he finally felt their doorway crack. Kylo let himself savor the small taste of light that preceded her presence and called in the image he had prepared for her.

Purposefully similar to their last encounter, the intimation he showed her was of him on his knees with his head bowed, only a hint of his face hidden behind wild dark hair, body vibrating with pain, _aching_ for a touch of light.

Cautious, curious, she had widened the crack.

Kylo chewed on his almost healed lower lip and used the sharp sting that burst through him for power to strengthen the image and shield himself from her light.

As tempting as it was to feel her energy directly against his skin he was glad he had the foresight to leave his mask on… and his gloves.

She had only caught him off guard the last time. Her light would _not_ distract him _._

The girl would have to pass him to reach his image. Once she passed he would easily pull her energy, _her light_ , through and bar her passage back.

It was a given she would escape him. It was the nature of their bond that the seal he would place on their doorway would only hold for so long before it opened at her command.

But before that happened he would have plenty of time to devote to her instruction.

Forces dark and ravenous boiled inside him as he watched her light slip through the door. Kylo bit back a triumphant, predatory roar when she was immediately drawn towards the image he had prepared for her.

The concern on her face sent a painful stab straight into the dark void that surrounded him and instead of moving past him she stopped.

Her head tilted upward and she looked straight at him.

Kylo told himself that it was his control, not the intensity of the light of her energy that held him immobile as she studied him.

She lifted her hand and reached out towards him.

That's when he moved. As fast as thought his hand captured the energy of her upturned wrist.

Her mouth formed a surprised 'oh' and Kylo allowed himself a smug smile, and then tugged.

A frown creased her brow and she bared her teeth at him.

Kylo laughed in delight. He had expected resistance, but her ferocity was…

Beyond intoxicating.

Kylo marveled at the light he had captured, marveled at the way it vibrated against his shields.

He allowed the pleasure to wash over him, feeding the darkness inside him.

Kylo was already hard. Her struggles only intensified the ache in his cock.

He decided to share.

"You did this," he thought at her.

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she couldn't resist glancing down. She licked her lips when her gaze settled on the bulge in his crotch.

Emotions he was sure she didn't want to name flickered across her face. She took a deep breath and stared upwards, meeting his gaze behind the mask.

"Good!" she spit out and instead of continuing her futile struggles to pull away from him, she gathered the energy around her and leapt.

He didn't have time to anchor himself, only time to strengthen his hold on her as she crashed into him, _through_ him and Kylo's knees threatened to buckle, but he held fast in the whirlwind of light and instead of him holding her fast to him, _she_ pulled _his_ energy to her.

A part of him was elated.

 _The girl was strong!_

But Kylo had never liked being thwarted in anything.

He pushed more power into their link and grew more tangible in her presence.

Suggestions of myths in an ancient text hinted that if the bond was strong enough, the pair powerful enough, that one could actually pull the other physically through their doorway.

Kylo vowed to find any remnant of that book.

He was aware he still standing, staring through the view port in his rooms, but Kylo was more than substantial enough _here_ to manipulate the energies and do what he wanted.

He knew she could see him, feel the weight of his power circling her wrist.

But she ignored him and stood in a slight crouch near her bed, and despite his Force hold on her wrist she held her weapon defensively in front of her.

"I'm dreaming," she muttered as she scanned the room.

Kylo laughed. It was a staff she held lightly in her hands, not the lightsaber forgotten on the shelf behind her.

Anger surged through him and his hands itched to hold his grandfather's first lightsaber.

It belonged to him!

"Mine," he growled and resisted the urge to call it to him.

Feeding on his possessiveness, the dark sent him a prophecy and Kylo knew then that he would never take it from her.

But the time would come when she would willingly give it to him.

She had been in her bed when she had peeked through their doorway.

Kylo smiled at the twisted sheets.

Sleeping, or something not similar to sleeping at all.

He closed his eyes and his nostrils flared behind his mask as he took a deep breath.

Her little chamber reeked of want.

He was positive that if he touched her sex right now it would be softened, wet. His leather gloved fingers would slide easily through the moist heat of her.

Kylo trembled at the strength of the temptation.

 _The girl! It's always the girl!_

He growled in rage and wrapped a large hand around her neck. He forced her to look at him.

Her eyes were bright with defiance and shining with the tangle of emotions he could feel radiating out from her.

Her lips moved, shaping a word, but it was on a thread of the force, that he heard her soft 'please'.

The word, darkly spiced with want, not fear, echoed through his head.

The word threatened to disorient him.

Again, he growled, and then shoved her against the nearest wall.

Kylo tore the staff from her hands and used the Force to hold her arms above her head as he moved in closer.

He ignored her gasp, and the struggle of her lithe body against his, and looked around, curious to where she had drawn him to.

They were in an alcove hewn from raw rock. A heavy curtain covered an arched doorway. Suggestions of symbols so old that they only manifested as strokes of light and shadow, wove blessings, or curses, into the rough walls.

So they were in an ancient temple.

The _first_ temple most likely.

Ancient Force energies eddied through the place, dark and light weaving compelling patterns and Kylo shuddered.

He couldn't afford another distraction.

His destiny had been sealed the moment he had been set upon this dark and twisted path of his and he wasn't going to let anything, even this Force bond with the distracting girl stop him from fulfilling his destiny.

He _would_ finish what his grandfather started.

Kylo focused and pulled the darker energies to himself. Her responsive shudder delighted him. He tilted his head and studied her face, loosening his grip on her throat.

Her arms he kept above her head, crossed at the wrist. He slid her a few inches up the wall until only the tips of her toes brushed the floor beneath her.

She had stopped struggling and had squeezed her eyes shut.

"I'm dreaming," she murmured through clenched teeth.

Kylo didn't even try to keep the amusement out of his voice.

"No."

She shivered, and then drew in a deep breath. "Sick, sick dreams of…

Kylo laughed out loud then and she opened her eyes. The anger swirling in those depths was like a quick heady shot. He reveled in the dark bite of her light.

"We are bonded."

"No!" She shivered, and then shook her head, "You're not real. _This_ isn't real. I'm just…"

"Search your feelings Rey. You know what I say is true."

He rocked his hips into hers. Kylo was still hard, had been ever since she had snuck through their doorway.

He slowly traced the line of her lower lip with a leather clad fingertip and her trembles echoed through him.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Kylo lowered his head closer to hers, curious to what she would do next.

He couldn't quite see the threads of the Force she drew and wove around her to instinctively shield, but he could definitely feel them and was surprised, and smugly pleased, to feel her tugging threads of power from him.

 _The girl instinctively chose him to protect her!_

Her shield was rudimentary, but strong.

Kylo grinned behind the mask.

What she didn't realize was that by using his Force energy in her shield, she left herself completely open to him.

"I offered to teach you once."

Her eyes snapped open. And she held her breath as he trailed his finger from her lips to her collarbone.

He trailed his hand lower as he continued, "Your first lesson will end with you understanding the _depths_ of our bond."

Kylo followed a thread she had drew from him and she gasped when he pushed past her shielding.

Her emotions caught him, whirled through him, threatening, tempting, and so compelling that Kylo strengthened his own shield as he carefully, thread by thread, dismantled hers.

Fear and anger dominated that whirling heady mixture; of course, since they were the easiest and quickest threads to pull from the Force.

But the other emotions coursing through her had a different flavor.

What do you call hunger, call want, when they were no less dark, no less powerful, for being fueled by light?

Kylo suddenly realized he was lazily Force tracing symbols into the light of her skin, symbols so ancient even he wasn't quite sure what they meant.

He shook his head, annoyed with himself.

 _The girl was distracting him again!_

He growled softly and cupped her breast. He liked the way she bit back a moan, liked how the trembling weight of it filled his hand.

Even through his glove he could feel her light. He wished… He wished…

Beyond annoyed with himself now, Kylo snarled and drew on the Force to shove her legs apart.

He placed a possessive hand high up on one trembling thigh. He felt her gather her power over his hand and paused, tasting her emotions.

Her surprise and spike of fear were retreating. It was her innocent, shameless curiosity that she was fighting.

 _No one had ever touched her there!_ She didn't say it, but the very cells of her body were screaming it at him. She took a deep breath and used the power she gathered to urge his hand upward.

The selfish dark inside him was pleased. A possessive growl escaped him as he cupped her sex.

Just as he had thought earlier, she was softened and wet, yielding easily to the pressure of his exploring fingers.

She moaned softly as he leisurely stroked, learning the lines of her soft folds, avoiding her clit. She tensed and held her breath every time his fingers neared, only to release it with a soft moan of disappointment when he only teased and circled that sensitive flesh.

He was entranced by the way the light shimmered and sparked and danced on her skin, the Force of her vibrating, pulsing with her need.

Her moan grew louder as he slowly pushed first one, then another thick finger inside her softened heat.

Kylo bit back a moan of his own.

It was easy to imagine his cock replacing his fingers in her tight, gripping heat. It was beyond easy to crave the feel of her, the feel of her light on his aching flesh, surrounding him, mercilessly squeezing and encouraging him to push deeper into the vibrating light of her.

Kylo shook his head and growled at his own weakness.

She closed her eyes and turned her head, unconsciously exposing, yielding the long line of her neck to him.

He wanted to lick and bite every inch of that exposed neck. Instead he snarled and thrust another finger inside her and used the Force to fist her hair and shove her head down.

She gasped, her hips jerked and her tight sex clamped down, fluttered rhythmically on his slowly moving fingers.

"Watch Rey," Kylo growled through gritted teeth. "This is your first lesson."

He sped up his hand. "Our Force bond, our _Seegeth_ , doesn't just require balance, it _demands_ it."

He knew she bit at her lip to keep from crying out, just as he knew she had followed his command, watching, eyes bright with light, his fingers sliding possessively in and out her quivering sex.

Before, her small, curious hand, sparking and shimmering with her light, explored him, stroked him, coaxed and teased his orgasm from him.

Now Seegeth demanded hers.

"You are going to come for me."

"Yes!"

He wasn't sure who hissed the word but the heady power behind it pulsed between them. He resisted the urge to remove his mask, oh how he ached to feel her light on his skin again.

Instead he encouraged the lifting of her hips with more forceful thrusts of his fingers until she was fucking his hand.

Her breathing was ragged and her fists clenched and unclenched in their hold above her head in a fascinating rhythm that matched the fluttering of her tight sex around his fingers.

He focused power into the thumb now pressing against her clit, releasing a small bolt of Force lightening on that sensitive flesh.

His hold on her hair protected her head when she threw her head back and screamed her pleasure. Her whole body pulsed and vibrated and it was his name that rode the echoes of her voice.

Kylo released her from the wall and she dropped into his arms.

He laid her carefully on her bed and used the Force to straighten and pull her sheet over her still quivering body.

He studied her for a moment then warily withdrew back to himself and closed the door between them.

The echoes of her light, the echo of the name she had screamed out in pleasure forced him to his knees in front the massive window.

Panting he ignored the view and fascinated, stared at his trembling hand.

He ripped away his mask and vaguely heard its heavy thud against the floor as he concentrated on carefully lifting his hand to his face.

Traces of her pleasure, glistening and shot through with sparks of her light decorated his fingers.

The desire, the hunger to experience her on his tongue was almost overwhelming and it took everything in him to keep from shoving his fingers in his mouth.

Instead he sniffed.

The sound that escaped him was primal.

He used the Force and freed his cock from its painful prison and gave in.

Kylo wrapped his gloved hand, leather glistening, sparkling with light, slick with essence of her, around his cock.

He hissed with the pure pleasure and his hips lifted of their own accord as he stroked himself hard and fast.

Dark thoughts, hungry, sharp and possessive tore through him and Kylo surrendered to the vibrating force surrounding him.

His back arched with the force of his release and as pleasure pulsed through him, light sparking, vibrating through the very cells of his body the dark rewarded him with a prophecy.

A vision of the girl, glowing bright, her hands fisted in the dark cloak cushioning her on the altar, her virgin blood smeared on the rock beneath hips that eagerly lifted to meet his violent thrusts.

Kylo shook with the wanting.

When they joined in flesh; and it was always a when, he realized suddenly, never an if, when they joined, it would be glorious.

And because the dark never rewarded without punishment, it sent him another vision.

The girl. Older, wiser, and running through a violent storm of explosions and hellfire. Dodging, shielding the bundle strapped in front of her with her arm and a strongly glowing green bladed lightsaber. It hissed and sparked as she deflected debris and cut out escape routes.

She looked over her shoulder in the vision; wisps of hair had escaped the tight braid pulling her hair back from her face, the wisps framing heart breaking beauty and he could now clearly see the small face peeking from the bundle of cloth she protectively clutched to her chest. Clearly see the wide, dark eyes drinking in the chaos around him.

The vision threatened to rip him to shreds and Kylo threw his head back in agony and screamed his pain.

He now knew the price he would pay for sacrificing his father.

He would never know the infant she protected so fervently.

He would never know his son.


End file.
